This week

This week has been rough. I have not been feeling that great, I have not regained my energy as much as I hoped to by now. I am hoping this coming week will be better. Returning to work tomorrow and hoping I have the energy to get through the day. 

Energy

So Tuesday (the day after chemo) my energy was pretty high and I got a lot accomplished. Wednesday, not so much. I took a 3 hour nap in the afternoon after visiting Dombey and I could have slept for longer. Let's see what today brings. MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!

Chemo #3 in books!

Had my third chemo treatment yesterday. Went like the others, but the nausea started creeping in when we got to the car. Usually it does not start until early evening on chemo days since they do pump me full of anti-nausea meds before they pump the chemo into me. When I got home I took a Compazine which helped some. I also an grateful for the Gin-Gins candies Kerie told me about... those also helped. I took an Ativan (this one makes me sleepy) in the evening and was in bed by 7pm and pretty sure I feel asleep right away.

Today the nausea has been pretty under control. I took my Zofran and Decadron at breakfast as scheduled and did not feel the need to take anything else until my scheduled 4pm dose of Zofran and Decadron. I usually feel the need to take a Compazine late morning/early afternoon.

I got a bunch of stuff done in the South Bay today. I went to my apartment complex and dropped off my key to the apartment manager, stopped by the Santa Clara post office to drop off my mailbox key, had lunch, went to the Infusion Center in Sunnyvale to get my shot of Neulasta, and then stopped by the Comcast to drop of my equipment. That should finish all the business I have in the South Bay  until my next Doctor appointment and Chemo after the new year.

I've been maintaining my weight which is a shocker considering I've been eating a crap ton of bread products lately. My doctors don't want me to lose weight. I'm just surprised I have not gained like 15 pounds since I've pretty much just eating what I feel like eating (the f--- it, I've got cancer diet) and not trying to eat to lose weight. Usually bread causes me to gain weight quite quickly so I am pretty surprised I have not gained any weight. I ain't complaining! The one saving grace at this time of the year is I'm not eating all the goodies people put out in the kitchen at work because I don't know who has touched it or breathed on it so I ain't gonna eat it. I can't risk getting sick.

People keep asking if I am gonna get wigs. I'm kinda digging wearing hats for now, they are way more comfy than wigs. I'm building quite a good collection of cute hats. Gotta keep my head warm!

Rough night

Friday night was a rough night for me. It was my Dad's birthday... the first birthday since he died so that was on my mind the entire day. When I got home after seeing a show with friends my scalp was hurting and the only thing that made it feel better was to be in the shower so I stood under the running water for like 20 minutes while my hair fell out. A large portion of my hair fell out then and I kinda broke down. I called my sister and that helped just to talk to someone. Julie came over on Saturday with a electric hair trimmer and buzz cut what was left of my hair so that it is less messy. Feeling better now. Now with out hair my head is COLD! I even have to sleep with a hat on to keep my head warm.

Loss

I just stepped out of the shower having only gone in the shower to alleviate the pain. My scalp hurts. It's like my scalp is rejecting my hair. I just stood there in the running water running my hands through my hair and then rinsing the hair off of my hands. So much hair. You never realize how much hair you have until it is all falling out. Hair that should be on my head in on the floor on the walls, on my towel, in the tub, it is everywhere.

Bye Bye Hair

My hair has started to fall out. I noticed yesterday in the shower a lot more hair than usual. Last night I was able to easily pull chunks out on my head. It does not hurt. There is still a lot to go but I'm guessing by the end of this weekend it will all be gone.

 A chunk of hair pulled from my head

My tub after today's shower

TIME FOR HATS! I have some hats, but I think I need more just for variety. Stretchy knits one are best for me since I have a giant head.

Chemo #2

Had my 2nd round of chemo yesterday, went about that same as the first round. This time I read a fluffy vampire romance novel called "How the Marry a Millionaire Vampire"... so far the book is going as expected. I kinda have thing for fluffy vampire romance novels.

2 more rounds of AC (Adriamycin and Cytoxan) to go and then 4 rounds of T (Taxol).

My blood test shows that I am slightly anemic... I have not been anemic since I was a vegetarian when I was a teenager. Time to eat more red meat! I have been craving more red meat lately, that could explain why. I normally don't cook red meat because it's easier just to buy the bag of frozen chicken breast and throw one on the George Foreman grill. I probably won't be cooking much once I move in to my mom's house, my mom and sister are great cooks.

Thank GAWD for all the anti-nausea drugs they are giving me! I would not be functional with out them.

Feeling good!

I'm feeling back to normal this week! I've been packing boxes for the move, did laundry, and went grocery shopping. I've started preparing food to have ready to heat and eat for next week when I not feeling great after chemo on Monday. I've got one recipe in the crock pot and two more prepped to drop in the crock pot in the next few days. Trying to take advantage of my energy this week to get things done.

Chop, Chop!

This day was bound to happen.... the day I chop off my hair in preparation for it falling out.

I'm nervous, but Jean Marie is there to provide support... too bad JM avoids photos like the plague.

Look! That's my hair on the counter! (Oh! and I got Jean Marie in the background... I see you!)

Before & After!

So short, but way easier to deal with.

Tasteless

Well, it seems that my sense of taste is now gone. The food I eat has no flavor to me right now... This sucks.

My First Chemo

I started this post yesterday, but realized a nap was more appealing than posting on my blog...

Had my first chemo today. Went pretty well. Feeling like a nap is in order. My mom came with me.

Chemo Selfie! 

My mom read a book while I watched Madagascar 2

I spent the rest of the day at home laying in on my couch, watching tv, and napping. Nausea kicked in in the early evening. I took one of the anti-nausea pills and it helped some. 

Today I feel a little worn down, but functional. 

Tomorrow is the day

I start chemo tomorrow. Kinda nervous about it. Mostly nervous of the unknown, like most of the time when I do something new. Not knowing how I will feel or what side effect I will experience. They will also be putting me into menopause while I am on chemo... a "chemical menopause" in hopes to preserve my ability to have a baby in a few years if I chose to. I can't wait to have menopause symptoms like hot flashes... NOT!

I've been thinking about how all this will affect my singing voice. Will my range drop lower? Will I lose my high notes? It's seems silly to think about especially since I am not a trained singer, it's just something I love to do. I think about it when I hear Glitter and Be Gay during Candide since I currently have the notes to sing that song and I wonder if I will after all this is done or if I will become a mezzo or an alto. Not that I will complain about being a mezzo or an alto... those roles are fun, but I'm just so use to singing soprano.

Anyways, enough of the nervous ramblings about my voice.

Well hello mediport

Today I got a port http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Port_(medical)

The anesthesiologist and my surgeon told me I would be loopy but not asleep, well I totally fell asleep. They wheeled me into the operating room, moved me on to the operating table, started to prep me for the operation, and next thing I know they are done and wheeling me into recovery. I am spending the night at my mom's since they want someone to be with me for the 24 hours after the surgery.

Now I have some beautiful bruising and superglued skin to show for it.  My shoulder hurts a bit but it's also reminding me not to lift my arm so I actually don't want to fully get rid of the pain right now. 

Things are feeling real now with getting the mediport and having my chemo orientation... excuse me while I have a moment. 

Glad today is over

Instead of going to Disneyland today I spent the entire day at PAMF's Mountain View Campus.

9:10am Ultrasound of the underarm to look at the lymph nodes.
10:30am Mediport discussion with my surgeon
11:45am Echo Cardiogram
12:20pm Lunch Break... thank goodness they have a Cafe on Campus. I also went into my car a took a mini nap
2:45pm Biopsy of the Lymph nodes
4:00pm MRI of the Breast and Lymph nodes

I had never had an MRI before and was not sure how I would react to the tight enclosure. The good thing about the Breast MRI is that you are laying on your stomach and you can't see anything. I was laying on my stomach on this platform that had two holes in it for your breast to hang through. It was a little tough laying down without moving for about 45 minutes... my limbs went a little numb. I also did a round laying on my back face up but it was only 5 minutes and I kept my eyes closed so I would not get claustrophobic.

Feeling pretty wiped out right now and will probably just veg on the couch for the rest of the evening.

More appointments tomorrow.

Soooooo many appointments!

This morning I had one appointment set up for tomorrow - an echocardiogram. I now have 4 appointments tomorrow - ultrasound of the underarm (to check my lymph nods), discussion with my surgeon about getting a port, echocardiogram, and a MRI. If you need my I will be at the PAMF Mountain View campus all day tomorrow.

The sooner all this stuff gets done, the sooner we can start treatments.

Things are moving quickly...

Things are moving quickly to get me started on treatments. I have been to more doctors appointments in the last 2 days then I usually go to in a year. I have made sure my blood family knows before I make it too public... those are not fun phone calls. I had to cancel my trip to Disneyland next week, but Disneyland will be there when I am cancer free. Next week I have three appointments (echocardiogram, chemo orientation, and MRI) and it looks like the following week I will be starting chemo.

My lease is up on my apartment at the end of December... I was already planning on moving anyways but it looks like instead of moving into a new apartment I will be moving in with my mom and sister in Fremont. Not sure how long I will be staying...

The C Word

Got my biopsy results yesterday afternoon... I have cancer... invasive ductal carcinoma to be exact. I have an appointment with a surgeon this afternoon and will know more after that.

Waiting Results

Found a lump in my left breast so I visited my doctor. She sent me to have a mammogram and ultrasound. It was my first mammogram; not scary or painful (there is no reason to be afraid of a mammogram). Two days later (Friday, November 7th) I had an ultrasound guided biopsy. Now I wait for the results.  The same day I had my biopsy my grandmother passed away... her health had been fading for the past year so it was no unexpected but it still sucks. I also opened a show that day so it's been a mixed bag of feelings lately. I feel like my life is on hold until I get the results.