Hey strangers!

I have not posted in about a month so I figured it was time.

I have decided it's time to talking to someone to help me deal with all the emotions so I have starting seeing a therapist. It's offered as part of my cancer care program to meet with a Clinical Social Worker. I have had one session and will be going once a week for 4-12 weeks depending on how I am feeling. I have never really been good with emotions and expressing them so that is one of the issues we are going to focus on.

The housing search is very frustrating. I am finding apartments in my price range, but a lot of place do not allow pets and ones that do are getting snatched up before I can look at them because I can't just drop everything in the middle of my work day to go look at an apartment.

In the attempt to not gain anymore weight while taking Tamoxifen for the next 10 years which is known to cause weight gain, I have cut back on my bread/pasta intake. I am only allowing myself one or two meals a week with those kinds of carbs. I am also striving to get my 10,000+ steps a day on my FitBit. Every time is vibrates on my wrist when I reach my 10,000 steps is like a little celebration. This past week I did the American Heart Association's HeartWalk and raised $1,300! I walked in memory of my Grandma Medeiros (heart attack and two strokes), my Dad (heart attack), and my Uncle Barry (heart attack). It was a 3 mile walk so all my steps were fulfilled for the day in that one. I also did the Rock n' Roll 5k in San Jose yesterday. Yesterday my step count was 18,415.

Holy $h!t... I had cancer!

Now that I am all done with treatment, I look back on what has happened and I have moments of "Holy shit! I had cancer! People die from cancer! Cancer kills people!" Yes, I cry about it. Cry because I am grateful that everything went so smoothly for me and my treatment. Cry for those that were not as lucky, those who lost their lives too early.

The day after I got my tattoo I was shopping at The Avenue and the girl that was helping me noticed my tattoo and she asked if I had breast cancer and I told her I had gone through chemo, surgery, and radiation and I am now cancer free. She told me her cousin just died from breast cancer. Her cousin was 36 when she died. By the time she found the cancer it had spread and was so aggressive that no treatments where helping. After I made my purchases, I got in my car and cried. It hits me hard to hear about women my age dying from breast cancer. I don't take it lightly that I am still here.

I am so ready to find a place of my own. I want my own space again. I think once I find a place to live and I am all settled in I will look at taking real vacations and maybe doing a little traveling. I am always amazed when my single friends travel on their own. I am such a wimp to travel by myself but I think I might try it once. If I wait around for a travel buddy I may never go anywhere except Disneyland. Speaking of Disneyland... I do have a trip to Disneyland planned with some girl friends in October. I am so excited!

TATTUESDAY!!!! TATTOOSDAY!!!

So a few weeks ago my friends and I were talking about tattoos and one thing lead to another and we set a date to get tattoos. That day happened to be a Tuesday since they (Dave & Dana) are in rehearsal... thus coining the phrase "TATTUESDAY" (or "TATTOOSDAY" depending on how you feel like spelling it).

We made appointments at Marks of Art in San Jose with Rob. Rob was late and while we were waiting for him we thought maybe we would have to cancel Tattuesday but eventually he showed up. I have been thinking about getting a tattoo for a while now long before the cancer. I really wanted my first tattoo to be special. I chose a pink ribbon to cap off the end of my treatments.

I am now ready to move onto the next adventure.

I am hoping that next adventure is moving into my own place.

Finding a place to live has been rough. Housing prices in the Bay Area are ridiculous! I have been looking at either purchasing a condo or renting an apartment. There really has not been any condos in my price range in an area I really want to live in. There are some in Hayward and other parts of the East Bay but I would much rather purchase closer to the South Bay. Since nothing much was coming up on the purchase side I have been focusing on renting. Obsessively checking Craigslist. The major problem I am having now is that A LOT of places don't allow pets. :( I know something will come up that will be good for me, but it is very frustrating right now.

I pet sat at Jeremiah and Jamie's while they were out of town this weekend which meant I got to spend some time with my Dombey cat. It was really hard to say goodbye and leave him there. I know he's not that happy and spends most of his time hiding from the dogs. I really hope I find a place before the end of the month so we don't have to move Dombey twice in a short time since J&J bought a house and are moving. Prayers and thoughts and fingers crossed!

Oh hai, gym!

Today I had an appointment with my onocologist. Since the cancer is gone and I am now done with treatment, I will now be starting on Tamoxifen (http://www.drugs.com/tamoxifen.html) which I will be taking for the next 10 years because my tumor was estrogen responsive. I have to get a gynocological exam for a baseline because one of the side effects of Tamoxifen is increased risk of cancer of the uterus so they monitor it (<sarcasm>and I totally need more doctor appointments in my life</sarcasm>). We also discussed getting my medi-port removed and he wants me to get blood work one more time before giving the final ok on removing it. I go back and see him in a month. 

I joined a gym today! I have been thinking about it since I finished chemo and finally bit the bullet, walked in and joined. I did 30 minutes on the elliptical and was totally drenched in sweat afterwards. I also get some sessions with a personal trainer which will be nice to kick-start this next step. My first goal will be to lose the weight I have gained since starting treatment (about 20 pounds). Once that is gone it will be time to lose the divorce weight (about 30 pounds). Then I will be back in One-derland I will feel so much better! 

Radiation... almost done

Today was supposed to be my last day of radiation, but because they gave me 2 days off last week and 3 days off this week for my skin to heal it was extended until next Friday. I will be so happy to not have to go everyday. I also will be happy when I can wear underwire bras again. Soooooooon.... very soooooon!

Ah, Honey, Honey!

My skin under my breast has been pretty raw from the burned skin peeling off so Dr Ray gave my these patches made from honey to help regenerate the skin more quickly (http://www.dermasciences.com/medihoney). They are definitely helping. I can tell the skin that has been covered by the patch and what hasn't been, but I feel like I should be avoiding bears for the next few days while I am wearing the patches. I made sure to move the patch location to cover some areas that have not been covered today. It does hurt for a little bit after I put the patch on but that dies down after a while. I occasionally can smell the honey. Hey, as long as it's helps my skin I am all good with it. They gave me yesterday off from treatment which means my end date was pushed back as well. Now the final treatment will be on July 14th. Today I am spending most of the day at home with out a bra on... letting my skin breath so it can heal. I don't really like walking around with boobs a flopping but anything to get my skin to heal is ok with me. Don't worry, I will not be taking or posting photos of my burnt skin... that's gross plus it's on my boob which I don't want posted on the interwebs for all to see.

I mentioned in my previous post that I am looking at buying a place to live (probably a condo since that is what is available in my price range). I've been able to save money while living with my mom and also throw more money at my debt. Yesterday I looked at my savings account and looked at how much I owe on an account that has been haunting me for years and that needs to be paid off before my lender will giving me funding and decided to take a chunk of my savings and pay off that account. It feels good to have that paid off knowing that it will no longer be an issue, but this does mean I need to building up my savings a little more.

Oh hai peeling!

I finished my 4th week of radiation, my skin is not happy. I have reached the peeling stage under my left arm pit and under my left breast. The doctor gave me calendula cream to put on all the burned areas as well as silver sulfadiazine cream on the open areas that are peeling. I can no longer wear an underwire bra because the wire hits in the sensitive skin areas. I have been wearing sports bras... hello uni-boob. I think I have like one or two more treatments where the radiation will hit the areas that are having issues and then they will changing where the radiation hits so it should be getting better.

My hair is growing in nicely. It is still up in the air about the texture because it looks like the back of my head the hair is coming in wavy/curly in parts. The top looks straight though. We shall see as it gets longer.

In other news...
I am currently looking for a place to buy. With my budget and living in the Bay Area it's slim picking but still possible. I did actually put an offer in on a condo in Hayward (great for my daily commute - 12.5 miles from work, but not so great for my social life - most of my friends are in the South Bay). I was out bid by one person and they asked if I would be the back up incase the other deal does not go through, I agreed. I am still looking. Hoping to find a place not too far from work or my social life.